Quam Benigna
by Silent Stagger
Summary: Their tongues meditate iniquitous judgement. Blessed is the boy who endures the unjust consequences. ZAGR ZADF
1. Sapientiam

A/N: This is ZAGR (ZimxGir, not ZimxGaz)… with ZADF and other stuffz. Yeah.

Android GirHumanoid… y'know… Terminator type thingy.

My DA account: StillNotDead will have a few drawings of my Android Gir.

As misleading as the prologue is, it is NOT ZADR. OKAY? Learn to deal with it.

Disclaimer: Jhonen can stuff a worm-baby in it if he can't handle AlienRobot love. He's the one who made me believe that Zim has some affection for GIR. From what I've seen, Zim speaks to Gir in a softer and kinder voice. When he ISN'T yelling at him to shut up or calm down, mind you.

Quotes that this is TRUE:

"Nice work, Gir." (He says it nicely; even though he almost cracked his head open since Gir seriously fails at steering himself)

"Gir, would you _please_ stop singing?" (Lol, this may be due to short-term INSANITY from a consecutive six months of the doom song)

"And I promised the moon to Gir." (Do I NEED to go on?)

* * *

More than eighty percent of the worm babies slept during the day. Usually for a short period of time, some longer than others. They called it 'taking a nap.' The Irkin couldn't decide if it was simply because they were exhausted, or if it was because they were awake for the entire night to do one of their pointless jobs, or if it was simply to pass some times.

But he did decide that it was soothing. A nice, relaxing break from the stress of everything. He always felt refreshed after an excellent nap. He found himself more cheerful, and would sometimes even play with Gir after sleeping for a bit. It put him in such a _good mood_. As much as he hated to admit it, the human meat sacks actually created something useful. Sure, it wasted time, but he felt more motivated. Less stressful.

It was a shame he still had a block and a half to walk back home from high school.

Zim knew nothing would change once he and Dib were transferred (because graduating was such a silly word to use for something so pointless) to high school. Other than their height, they somehow still were the same height after all their growing and Zim's wig, he had gotten a more modern hairstyle, everything stayed the same. The two rivals always tried to top each other everyday. Going through they same routine every day.

Dib would screech to the world that Zim was an alien.

Zim would deny it and shout insults.

Dib follows in pursuit.

The other kids (who had gotten crueler over the years) would call them various names.

Dib would throw some sort of food or liquid at him that would cause him to scream in agony.

Zim would insult him some more.

You get the point.

It was all getting tedious. Both acknowledged that. But they had started acting more civil from this. It was a way, how the earthlings would put it, their relationship was.

They always said goodbye to each other when they left from school.

They sat with each other at lunch, even if they were at opposite ends of the table. The other kids never sat with the two freaks, so that counted as something, especially since they could easily clear a table if they sat with the other kids.

But even with the progressing friendship, it was still stressful. So he wanted to take a nap. Badly.

His longer legs carried him around the last corner. He was home! He was… in front of a roofless house that no longer had a front wall.

Why couldn't Gir just _not touch anything!?_

"_GIR!!_"

Frantic clanking sounds could be heard as the malfunctioning SIR unit scrambled over to Zim. "Yes master?"

"_What did you _DO _to the house?!_" He shrieked, curling his fingers into fists, trying not to completely _destroy_ Gir on the spot.

"Oh, my cupcake exploded." Gir smiled with that _annoying_ smile.

Zim's anger was doused with confusion. "How could that happen?" He asked, trying to figure out what would cause a baked good to blow up.

"I was baking a special cupcake for you!" After a fit of insane giggles, Gir started to tear up. "My tacos exploded too."

Zim was torn between feeling touched and acting homicidal. Gir ruined the house, and it'd take a while for his machine to repair it, but Gir tried to make something for him.

Gir had also changed. He seemed to become more intelligent, not too much though, but he also seemed to realize how incompetent he could be. So, when he tried his best, he always got frustrated. He made Zim a present once, for Christmas, and it was an adorable little metal heart with stickers, fake jewels and sequins scattered over it. He forgot about wrapping it, and he had been _so_ excited to give it to Zim.

Only to have it fall apart in his fingers when he presented it to his master.

He started sobbing. "_I'm sorry Master._"

And Zim had felt _bad_. So very bad. The green Irken had wrapped his thin arms around his loyal companion.

"_Thanks Gir. You did good._"

Gir immediately perked up. "_Thank you… I love youuuuu!"_

Zim learned the hard way that Gir was _strong_. He felt that hug for _weeks_.

"Let's go buy some tacos, then." Gir smiled warmly, his big, cyan eyes sparkling.

"Yay! Masta's the GREAAAAAAATEST!"

"Gir, go get your costume on!" Zim _really_ needed an easier disguise for Gir. And he needed a solution to his consecutively destroyed house.

"TACOOOOS!" Gir screamed as loud as he possibly could, popping every innocent passerby's eardrums. He came tripping out of the house and tackled Zim.

"Gir, you are _not_ a human! Stand on your four legs…" Not human…

Robots weren't humans. So to keep his secret hidden, he made Gir wear a mask of a dog, since he was too small and simply too 'advanced' to be a human that was the age for his height.

But _that_ could be changed. And if that was changed, he could also prevent his house from being obliterated from his insane robot.

"Zim has an idea."

* * *

A/N: Weeeee Read. That's all I care about, really. Reviews are nice, but I rarely review myself, so… I understand. Also, I don't know EVERYTHING there is to Zim, unlike most of the other IZ writers. I JUST started watching it… abooout… three to four episodes (30 minutes, so… around eight stories) and I JUST saw an episode with Zim speaking in third person… so heheheh. Tell me if I did something out of character.

And the very fact it's ZimxGir could drive people away.

The next time I actually update….. I dunno. I suck at keeping a story going.

But I LOOOOOOOOOVE tacos. I might not be able to stay away. I love this show


	2. Serena

This had better work. This had better work. This. Had. Better. Work.

Or Zim would surely blow up Mercury out of frustration.

If this didn't work, not only would he have wasted an entire week, but he would have raised the Dib-worm's suspicions by three hundred thousand percent because he hadn't been at school for that whole week, he would have wasted the precious resource material and he would have just wasted valuable eye tissue. Sitting behind a blinding laser for long hours did a number on the eyes. But Irkens were superior! They could regenerate their wasted tissue!

Leaving that trail of thought behind, Zim carefully rolled his shoulders. Sitting hunched over didn't help either.

With a few cracks he stood carefully examining the body. It's soft, fleshy skin looked real. It had a silver tint to it, but Zim didn't care. He eyed the dark lines running down its closed eyes, down the cheek and underneath the small jaw. Another set of dark lines were present at the corners of its mouth, working their way downwards. Bolt like circles were imprinted across the jawbone, not very human looking, but to Zim, it looked fine. He'd seen humans pierce their cheeks, so this didn't seem too out of line. The creature still looked adorable, no less.

His magenta eyes roamed over the still, slender body. He had made the clothes from the armor material and experimented until it was flexible and soft to the touch. A green hoodie adorned with black sleeves and pockets was neatly placed on the torso. It stopped a few inches past the creatures butt because he had accidentally made it too long. The hood was up, with its giant eyes and strange black doggie ears. He even added the black nose. The tongue had looked awkward, so he left it out. The simple, baggy black pants were some-what snug on the thin thighs, more loose around the calves. The feet didn't have shoes on them, but he had white socks on.

He absentmindedly brushed a silver lock out of the creature's face, admiring his handy work. The hair was silky and silver. A bit on the long side, but still short.

"Perfect. Now for a test."

He reached over and pressed his slender, gloved finger into the creature's ear softly. The once-dark lines turned a cyan color as the body hummed softly. Zim backed up to watch as his latest creation awoken. Two, big blue eyes slowly, and stopped half way. The eyes looked around cautiously before resting on Zim. The robot stared at the alien through his eyelashes.

"Gir…"

As if a timer clicked, Gir, in his new, humanoid body, shot up. From the table he was sitting on, he managed to fling himself at Zim, succeeding in knocking him over. "Yes, master?" He asked in his high-pitched, slightly insane and considerably annoying voice.

"What do you think?" Zim was too proud of himself to care that Gir was crushing him.

"I'm thinking tuna!" The android squealed with excitement, almost crushing Zim's ribcage with his death grip. Zim sighed. He could count on Gir when it came down to eating.

"No Gir, I mean your new body."

"I'm hungry…" Gir whined, completely ignoring Zim's last sentence.

"I command you to tell me how you feel!"

Gir's eyes and lines briefly flashed crimson. "I feel more powerful and taller, master!" Still on the ground, he gave a crisp salute.

Zim had made sure that Gir wasn't any stronger. He might actually have his PAK crushed when Gir would decide to hug him. He started getting paranoid about it on the second day he started working on the new body. Different scenarios of his death ran through his mind…

One small hug.

One slightly off tackle.

One randomly aimed utensil… and it was all over. Not that PAKs were easy to destroy (Much to Zim's relief), but with Gir's unnatural strength, anything was possible.

"Whooo hooooo!" Gir screeched, snapping Zim out of his daydream. He found himself being dragged upstairs, having his head smacked into random things and thrown into a pile of old, uneaten waffles. With a soft _squeltch_ and short shriek, the invader was covered in syrup.

"This is _disgusting!_" Zim howled, his eye twitching from pent up fury. _Why_ did he even bother awakening Gir? It had been so quiet during the week; it was peaceful, relaxing even! Not to mention lonely…

Lonely…

"Master is a waffle!" Gir fell over laughing and started to roll around on the dirty floor. As he tumbled around, he knocked over furniture, lamps and food.

"Gir!" Zim pounced on the robot and forcibly pulled the robot up. He checked the damage on the new body. The slightly silver skin was in perfect condition, the silvery locks were semi-neat, and his clothing had just gathered a little dust (was Gir _trying_ to be a mop?) He brushed Gir off as the android fidgeted with his hair.

"You are coming to school with me. Stay here while I go get my disguise."

"_Okay!_" The silver headed robot tossed his body on the tipped over purple couch. He started singing the shorter version of the doom song while he waited.

Zim then checked the destruction of the house. A lamp was broken, leaving glass shards scattered on the floor, which desperately needed vacuuming. Different objects had fallen off the end tables while Gir had been dragging him. After a few minutes of stepping over broken, half broken and fallen objects, he finally found his contacts and carefully stuck the grey-blue contacts into his eyes. He blinked countless times, his eyelids adjusting the contacts automatically. He resisted the urge to scratch, and tossed the pointless items out of his way, finding his new wig. Something had been dropped in it, but he hadn't had time to take a close look. He swiftly plucked the tube out of the mop of raven hair, made a quick mental note that it was Irken, and tossed it out of sight. He pulled his black wig on and made sure it was in its correct positioning. Satisfied with his disguise, he grabbed his text books and Gir, and made his way to school.

* * *

"Tacos!" Gir pointed to a random human-pig with a taco in her hand. Zim feared that he wouldn't be able to control his insane android if he got too out of hand.

"You're not allowed to have any, Gir, until you and Zim get home."

"But I _need_ tacos. I need them or I'll explode…"

Zim rolled his eyes. "You will be fine for now. Just do _not_ become the center of…" Gir was gone. Gir was GONE! Zim started to panic. He frantically looked around, trying to spot the android. No! If the Dib-worm found out…

"Looking for something?" Aw, crap.

"Gazzalicious!"

"_Get him OFF of me!_"

"Nyooo! Whyyyy Gazzy? I love yoooouuu!"

"Zim! Get him off, or you'll _pay!_"

The green alien slowly turned around, hoping, begging, _praying_ that Gaz, Dib and Gir were not behind him.

His eyes focused on the scene, very desperately trying not to laugh. Gir had his slim arms and legs wrapped around Gaz-human. By the looks of it, the grip wasn't tight enough to break bones or injure her, so Zim allowed himself to let a breath of relief blow past his lips. The android was violently grinding his cheek into the purple haired girl's own cheek, as a sign of affection. For some reason, Gir always had a liking for Gaz. Maybe it was her sour nature that intrigued him. Zim didn't really know.

Speaking of her 'sour nature,' she looked incredibly irritated. With her weak meat-bag arms, she tried to push Gir off of her body, all the while stumbling. Gir wasn't that heavy, but trying to balance while all of that was happening, it was hard.

Dib, who was frantically trying to get Gir to loosen his hold, turned his head towards Zim. "Alien-scum! Stop _laughing_ and _help me_!" Zim found himself chuckling at the scene. Who wouldn't? He let out another breathy sigh and called. "Gir, I'll buy you tuna cupcakes if you let go of the Gaz-human."

"High ho silver! And awaaaay!" Screamed Gir before he let Zim's words sink in. "Okie dokie!" He hopped off of Gaz and ran over to Zim. Gaz's cheek now matched the color of her hair. Zim must of miscalculated, because Gir did do damage, even though it was just her cheek… and possibly her pride.

"So this _is_ Gir! Just as I expected!" Dib announced. "How did he grow?!"

"Dib-pig! This isn't…"

"_ZIM!_" Gaz shrieked, her fury evident in her aura, not to mention the way her eye was twitching, her expression looked so tense it hurt and the way she was clenching her fists so tightly that her fingernails had cut into her palms and were currently bleeding.

"Gaz… calm down…" Zim backed away slowly. He _never_ backed down from a fight! Especially with Dib. But Gaz was like a freaking spawn of Satan. Even the Almighty Tallest would back down when she got angry. The only _thing_ alive that didn't run from her in terror was Gir.

And it was all Gir's fault that he wouldn't be coming home that night.

"Be reasonabAAAAHLE!" The alien screeched as he began to flee from her sight. Gaz bounded off after him, clearly furious about the earlier actions from Gir.

Dib and Gir sat in awkward silence for a few, long moments before Dib turned to Gir.

"What's your first class?" He asked, his curiosity nipping his ass exasperatingly.

"Engliiiiish!" Gir sing-sang his answer and started to skip around Dib in an insane fashion.

School was definitely going to be interesting.

* * *

A/N: Howdcha like that chappie? Eeeeeeh? EEEEEHHH?

I tried to capture Gir's insanity, hope I did well. Gazzy is a cute name, while Gazzalicious is just stupid and funny. So yeaaah.


End file.
